


Three Steps

by Randomscreamfest



Series: Plot Bunnies and Problem Plots [1]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Ambiguity, Ambiguous Relationships, Ambiguous/Open Ending, First Person, Gen, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Its just a mess of senses and feelings, Nothing is specific here really, Rencarnation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:25:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 688
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9214754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randomscreamfest/pseuds/Randomscreamfest
Summary: Sometimes I wonder if you are my enemy or my lover. You hurt more then you heal, but I keep coming back.





	

Why do you have to do this to me. I get three steps outside the door before your pulling me back. Three steps away. Every step I take I take evenly like I'm practicing for a ballet and you are the bumbling idiot who patters after me on heavy feet. You only say what you mean and it makes my heart rip out. I'm two faced, jaded and sad. And as I sit on the cold concrete I wonder what our lives would have been if it were different.  
You talk of reincarnation and I remember every time we've met. I didn't know I believed really. The first time we were children. Meeting in some fuzzy hallway. I knew you who you were already. Maybe it isn't the first life I met you in. But I remember your pull. Gravitational in nature as if you were the sun and I was a comet that had been pushed. It was unstoppable but I fought that first life. I forced myself away. To deny it all. And I should have let it continue. But I'm sure you felt it too.  
The next time we meet is marked with my favorite scent. Somewhere between earthy and citrus. I'm still unable to place it's sweet and deep scent. Maybe it was the scent of you. Because you still kinda smell like that. Under everything. Or maybe I'm projecting it on you like a signpost to warn everyone. I don't quite remember what happened that time but I wanted to forget you again.  
The scent tips me off every time. I'm unsure if it's this one or the next we become lovers. Once you were older then me and it made my heart do stupid things. It ended poorly our life fling. The scent isn't my favorite anymore. It's tinged with something. Something sour that almost blocks out the sweet tones. It sickens me that time around and I pretend it doesn't trigger memories and try again to forget you.  
I don't remember fully when not in touch in my own ways. So I have memories here and there. There hasn't been a life I have encountered where we didn't meet and you didn't trigger some memory. I hid it well didn't i? The time I didn't mention you even after you came up to me. I fought it when some bad memory triggered.  
We must have had something in the last life. Because the snippets I have are vivid and bright. Pulling at my scent more then my sight. It was calming and soothing. It opened me right up for you now. I'm pulling away now..... I said yes to you the first time, you acted like we hadn't seen each other until you kissed me. That was a experience. To feel you suddenly touching my hair and skin like it meant the world to you again.  
And you broke the illusion, how could you remember me if your flesh still had a taste for others? Mine didn't and you made me question. Like my father made me question my time in war..... And I threw it away. Put myself into other people and drew closer, because they are always around me too. I remember them. Even if they forget. I remember everyone. Places and things leave me, but the people never do.  
I am happy I found you again. I am happy you made me feel and remember so much. But there's someone else coming for me now. 

 

Three steps away. I'm fighting for another now because I'm close. I'm moving on like I do when I know they're alive. And I always know. Sometimes they meet me first, but if you do..... You win my heart until you break it.  
I'm not going to be able to tell you this.  
And that hurts most of all  
Because the sour smell is death and it clings to your skin like the first time it went sour.  
I can't cling through that again. I'm jumping so I have a chance. A chance at a friendship and a lover who isn't as tainted.

**Author's Note:**

> I have had this in my WIP folder for a long time. I wrote it after a needed break up from a abusive boyfriend. I finally healed enough to share my feelings at the time with the world. This is not edited or read over by anyone to correct it. Thank you for reading.


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